Home / Linked modules / Assertiveness
Being confident and not frightened
to say what you want or believe
to reach a particular goal
to have a healthy sense of control
to negotiate wherever possible
to express disagreement
to draw healthy boundaries.
to reach a particular goal
to remain safe
to remain uninvolved
to take time to understand the situation
to prevent an attack
to ward off threats
“You might have to realize and tell yourself that your partner is dominating and taking advantage of the situation”
“You might feel angry at your partner”
“Sometimes you might feel angry towards yourself for allowing the other person to dominate you, which is understandable”
“Decide to stop the dominating behaviours”
“Once you decide, you can find a way to ask for your needs and rights by being polite and firm and avoiding getting aggressive yourself”
“Let us start slowly and carefully. We could start with something that is easy and small”
“Let us try and apply what you would say assertively in a particular situation”
“You can practice what you will say alone or with a friend, or we can try it once during the session”
“This will prepare you to face the situation and stick to the point, even if your partner decides to engage in arguments, irrelevant logic, and manipulative statements”
“Every time your partner engages in the bad behaviour, use the decided way of assertive communication to stop being forced again”
“Try not to give in if there’s escalation, as long as it is safe for you”
“I’ve noticed you keep taunting me about my appearance in front of people”
“I don’t like you commenting on my body and appearance this way”
“The next time this happens, I will call out this habit of yours”
“When I try to reason with you about your absences from home, you start shouting at me”
“This used to frighten me, but I understand now that you probably don’t want to answer the question responsibly”
“I don’t appreciate this and the next time you start screaming I will stop talking to you and will plan my schedule myself”
“Every time things don’t go your way, you shout and threaten to break things or do something to yourself”
“From now on, you and I will only talk when you are calm and ready to take the conversation ahead”
Help her practice assertiveness with not just the person behaving abusively, but also with other people
Help her learn to say No firmly and clearly
Role playing for practice
To begin with you can play the role of the survivor and she can play the person behaving abusively
Later, after gauging and understanding, you can change roles so that she can get practice at being assertive
Give feedback about what can change
Discuss with her the consequences of choosing a particular communication style
Keep in mind the cycle of violence and different responses and messages that the perpetrator or family members might have given her
“Remember, when you say NO, your partner or in-laws might question your loyalty”
“They might say that you have changed as person, that you’re not being a good wife, mother or daughter-in law, and that is okay”
“Avoid assertion when the person doing the abuse is under the influence of substances such as drugs or alcohol”
“When you are alone and are violated by more than one person, you might have to either escape or call for help: prioritise your safety over assertion”
“If your life is in danger, shout for help”
“When you are planning to escape, it might be better to not inform the other person”
“When your partner refuses to change after multiple attempts, assertion might not change the situation”
“You can be assertive when
“When you are planning to escape, it might be better to not inform the other person”
Your partner is in a state to communicate
You have a support system
There is no risk to your life
Your partner has responded well to your initial attempts at drawing boundaries
The person doing the abuse owns up to their mistakes and wants to change”
Supporting the mental health of survivors of domestic violence against women with dignity and pride
©SNEHA 2022 | Design: Siriti | Development: Benchkart & Koloursyncc